is it a gut feeling or just a passing thought

hey everyone, hope your all doing well,
at this point in time im feeling confused a little bit, title is pretty self explanatory but im not sure which one im feeling,

you know if you have something that you know is great and wouldn't change for anything or anyone and you couldn't be happier, and then for some unknown reason you feel guilty for thinking its not good,
basically split down the middle thinking these thoughts to whether if you changed it all would it be for the better, its like living two separate lives,

if your confused in what im talking about then im with you, but putting words on this blank page knowing that no one actually looks at this is like a safe haven,

ive known I liked the same sex for quite some time and I haven't kept it a secret as such, just as and when people have asked I have answered them, a lot of people wouldn't know this because I tends to have boyfriends rather than girlfriends that's fine.

I support the scene one hundred percent, half of the social websites I feel connected and am accept and proudly show who I am.

even doing that doesn't make me happy, in a way that I feel guilty that I should be more happy.

im in this great relationship, that I can see potential in the future, and hes a great guy and im very lucky to have met such a funny, cute ,sexy caring guy. but yet I still feel bad that im not completely in tune with my self.

I don't know how to feel emotionally, physically, with me everything points to me being the person that no one wants me to be,

you see they have a perceived judgement of me and want to change every bit of it,

regardless of how I feel.....
whether its
make up, hair, how I dress

be more girly Rhiannon
take your handbag with you

you don't need a wallet, have a purse in stead,

make yourself look nice
wear more make up,

don't get to muscly,
you don't need to get a six pack, its too boyish

wear a dress,

do this, do that, because they care about me and its good for me !!!!!!!!!



im not sure if this is a rant or a cry for help

putting this out online is dangerous enough. just because im too scared of what they might think, I don't want to change what I have but why do I feel like this,



making people happy is to easy, but im not making myself happy,.


cant tell if this is gut feeling or just a passing thought ...........